Late to the Deer Stand…..Again!

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More stories from the deer camp.

You will love this one, though I don‘t recommend using it as an excuse for yourself!

The opening morning of the 2012 Muzzleload season was one great day! The only negative was that I had to drive an hour and a quarter from the camp to the office to complete a job I had promised.

Well, I finished the job, met the client and hit the road, peddling as fast as I could to get back to the woods.

It seems like I am late every afternoon no matter what I do. There is always something that comes up that delays my best laid plans. I have been so aggravated lately with this that I want to pull my hair out!

That night when I got into camp I phoned my bride to check in and let her know I was out alive. She asked how it went and I related that I was late again this afternoon! She said what happened? I replied “Well, it was a drunk, crack-head prostitute this time!” There was a pause and then, “YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF?”

I got held up by a drunk, crack-head prostitute! No really, I’m serious…..I was outside cleaning up the horns off the little buck I shot that morning so I could get some preservative on them when I hear a women’s voice. I looked up and there is this black women standing in the yard trying to get my attention. Reluctantly, I walked over to see what the problem was. She proceeded to tell me the store across the street had banned her from their establishment and that somebody there was a child molester and she was out warning all the neighbors?

I’m not making this up! She rattles on about where she lives, who here god father is and other things that I could not quite understand. Then she sees I am holding a knife! “what you skinnin’” she asks. I tell her I’m just cleaning up some horns from a buck I killed that morning.

She has a stretchy, tube type dress on and no bra. She pulls her top out and reaches in like she has some money hidden between her breasts while telling me she wants to by some deer meat from me!!

“No, No, No……hold on, I don’t have any deer meat I quickly explain. It’s all at the house.

I get out of that and then she asks If I have ever seen the “ghost buck”. She holds out her hands to show me how large his horns were and apparently he has about a 30”speard! She says “his hons was 10 times bigga than dem” (point at my 5pt) She then explains how he took his horns and just rammed them into her front fender and wrecked her car!

All I could say was WOW…..no, I can’t say I've ever seen him.

She told me her name was Silvia.

When she started looking in my windows at what I had inside I knew I was time to get her out of here. I told her I had to go inside now as I had someone stopping by shortly and thanked her for the warning about the molester.

I hope all my stuff is still there when I get back!

Larry